Comfort in the ugly

as i lay here in this room, in this bed, at this hour,
i wrap myself in the comfort of the same jacket
the same one ive worn for years, the same i shall wear for a few more
or at least until i start to find a little more comfort-
in the absence of it, feeling bare, feeling a little seen,
feeling as if im back to being thirteen, being told not too much, just an honest opinion,
or so they thought, or so they thought.
but words stuck to every inch,
of the same bare skin, to the thoughts
of the same thirteen year old,
who now felt, the need to cover her skin,
her body, her thoughts, her words.
five years later, i still wear this jacket,
in hopes that someday,
the words wont stick on the same bare skin,
or to the thoughts, of the now eighteen year old girl.
i tell myself, it’ll be alright, it’s okay to let go.

Scars

they linger at my door
in the darkness of the night
reminding me of all that’s forgotten
or all that I’d like to forget.
words of silent battles,
etched on my skin,
unseen it had remained,
and unseen it will be.
for i am held together,
by these bruises and these thoughts,
of the past, lost too quickly,
and the future im uncertain of.
the scars that i speak of,
still linger at my door,
by dawn they still remind me-
of all that’s forgotten,
of the wars thats won and gone.

it’s over and done,
you can breathe, it says.

Anxiety

i sit here, unbothered by the silence,
of the unceasing loudness,
of only the clock, ticking ever so softly,
or maybe the noise of my own breathing,
unsteady and heavy,
or perhaps its my mind,
racing with the usual thoughts,
of what’s gone and what’s to come.

To my body

To my body,
The one I didn’t care for,
The one whom I blamed,
For everything that went wrong.
I’m sorry for the pain,
For everything I put you through,
For all the words people said,
That hardly ever defined you.
To my body,
The one I never thanked,
For helping me in the darkest times,
For getting me this far,
For working through it all,
And never letting me fall.
To my body,
The beautiful one,
The strongest one I know.
I am beyond grateful,
For everything you do,
Not only for me,
But for others too.
Dear body,
I admire you,
A little more every day,
Cuz you’re worth more,
Than the harsh words people say.

4am

It’s 4am, the night’s quiet,
I lie awake on my bed.
With a chaotic mind and racing heart,
Thoughts running in my head.

Flashbacks of old memories,
some unsaid wounds held by a suture.
My stomach is a bundle of knots,
From the stress of the nearing future.

I drink some water,
And a deep breath I take.
I look outside the window,
To realize the morning is now awake.

Rustling leaves and chirping of birds,
Here comes another dawn,
Brand new day, a chance at life,
But by 4am, yet another day is gone.

Thoughts

Thoughts running through my mind,
Some words I cannot express,
Jotting them down on paper,
Just to understand the mess.
Scratching it out again and again,
Frustrated with every action I take,
Feeling my face heat up,
And then into a silent cry I break.
Some days I just feel so low,
Not always sure of the cause,
But if I could figure it out,
I’d give my rushing life a pause.

She

She carries herself,
With beauty and grace.
And even with a soft heart,
She is the fiercest fighter.
Every level of life,
She is ready to ace.
She too breaks,
She too has her lows,
But after every fight,
She always knows,
With each setback,
To victory she’s close.
She grows stronger.
And she’ll fight longer.
She is a girl, a woman.
She is you, she is me.
She is anyone,
and everyone she wants to be.

Eclipse

They were made of souls,
Which fit perfectly together.
One made of gold rust,
Bright like the sun at noon.
And the other of silver star dust,
As beautiful as the night moon.
And no matter how hard
To pull them apart, the world would try,
There would be days some,
When they’d be on the same sky.